so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
