U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
