hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
