Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
