Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
