Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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