Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
