I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry about my life...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
