My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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