...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
