I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
