This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
