u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
