the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
