ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
