you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
