Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
