I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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