I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
