he wants to bone in the snuggie
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
