Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
