do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
