So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
