I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
