College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
