I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
