What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
