just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
