it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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