you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
