She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
