may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
