this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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