So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
