I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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