the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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