i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
