Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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