Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
