you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
