matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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