The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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