I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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