Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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