I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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