just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You left your phone here
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