marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
