No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
