Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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