you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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