omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
