how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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