I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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