Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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