my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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